I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
