dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize