Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
