Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
