i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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