My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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