im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize