How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
