I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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