There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
