So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
