i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
