It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
