Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
