So drunk its hurt
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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