3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
