I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
