just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize