You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
