Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
