thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
