I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
