Pappa wants mamma naked
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
