Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize