im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
