The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
