take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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