I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
