i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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