loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
