I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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