At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
