I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
