We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
