Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
