So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
