Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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