so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
