Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
