I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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