So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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