That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
