careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
