I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
