It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
