I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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