Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
