Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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