After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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