the condom got lost in my hair
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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