so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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