Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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