i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
