I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
