I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
