it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize