you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
