Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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