If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize