he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
