did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need moral support for this bender
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
