Cold hands, warm shart.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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