This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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