Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
