we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
