Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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