oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
