yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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