you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
