This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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