I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
