The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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